Breakthrough lifestyle moderation
Lifestyle moderation
shortilive™
Life’s too short to optimize every bite.
- Indication
- Chronic wellness evangelism with meal-interrupting tendencies
- Presentation
- Extended-release perspective
- Strength
- One slice as needed
- Portfolio
- Lifestyle moderation
- Availability
- available over the counterpoint
The condition
Compulsive optimization of meals, gatherings, and other people’s choices.
Common symptoms
- Seed-oil commentary before dessert.
- A strong opinion about every plate.
- The belief that fun requires macro tracking.
How it allegedly works
Reduces chronic wellness evangelism so patients can experience everyday activities without narrating the glycemic index or the latest podcast at 2.5× speed.
Who should not take it
Do not take if your entire personality is a fitness tracker with opinions.
Mechanism of action
Compulsive optimization of meals, gatherings, and other people’s choices.
Reduces chronic wellness evangelism so patients can experience everyday activities without narrating the glycemic index or the latest podcast at 2.5× speed.
Benefits
- Letting people finish a meal before correcting them.
- Walking past a donut without composing a lecture.
- Minding your own damn business.
Important safety-ish information
Do not take if your entire personality is a fitness tracker with opinions.
Side effects
- Letting people finish a meal before correcting them.
- Walking past a donut without composing a lecture.
- Minding your own damn business.
Fake disclaimer
This fictional product is not medicine, medical advice, a substitute for professional care, or a nutritional lecture.
Do not take shortilive™ if your personality is entirely sponsored by wearable devices.
shortilive™. Relax the menu.
Not a real therapy. A very real suggestion.
The portfolio
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Medical information